


all golden and greek tragedy.

by mmmmmack



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Coming of Age, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, and when your father figure/mentor is an evil trickster god, and your other father figure/mentor lied abt his identity and killed children, being an 18 year old inquisitor is hard, everything is hard especially when your hand is trying to kill you, learning to grow up is hard, something something crying is symbolic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:47:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26537545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmmmack/pseuds/mmmmmack
Summary: As a child, their tears flowed freely at any provocation. Their mother told them they once cried when a she-wolf gave birth to her pups.You didn’t think it was fair,their mother explained,that to bring life, one had to suffer so much.Once, when Elias is drunk, he tells the Inner Circle of a time when Mio got themself stuck at the top of a tree and cried until he went up and retrieved them. The tips of Mio’s ears turn a light, light brown and they stutter their way through an explanation in a pathetic attempt at posturing.But the Inquisition teaches Mio not to be a child.
Kudos: 5





	all golden and greek tragedy.

Mio learns to cry silently when they turn 22. 

As a child, their tears flowed freely at any provocation. Their mother told them they once cried when a she-wolf gave birth to her pups.  _ You didn’t think it was fair _ , their mother explained,  _ that to bring life, one had to suffer so much.  _ Once, when Elias is drunk, he tells the Inner Circle of a time when Mio got themself stuck at the top of a tree and cried until he went up and retrieved them. The tips of Mio’s ears turn a light, light brown and they stutter their way through an explanation in a pathetic attempt at posturing.

But the Inquisition teaches Mio not to be a child.

The first time Mio kills someone, they cry over the fallen body and pass off the tears as sweat on their face. They had kneeled with the body, quickly becoming a carcass, apologizing to their parents in their head. They would have stayed there had Elias not put a reassuring hand on their shoulder. He understood, his eyes said. The journey back to Skyhold was silent between the siblings; this didn’t mean they weren’t talking, though. 

A pat on the shoulder.  _ Are you okay? _

A response via squeezing a hand.  _ I am. Do not worry.  _

Tousled hair.  _ I am here for you, if you need me. _

A slap on the back.  _ I know. Thank you. _

The child part of Mio was still present at that time. A characteristic sly smile graces their lips as they enter the war room. Something about Cullen being worried about their brother leaves their lips, but they can’t remember. It’s a fog. They ask Leliana for a raven. They write a letter to their parents.  _ I miss you,  _ it says,  _ Elias misses you. We haven’t died. I’m sorry for not writing sooner.  _ I’m sorry for more, it doesn’t say. 

When they make it back to their room, sobs wrack their body until their ribs ache and they’re dizzy-drunk from dehydration. They fall asleep in their armor, and dream of black.

* * *

It doesn’t become easier for Mio as time goes on, as they believe it should. As it does for Elias, they notice. He seems happy with Mr. Rutherford, they think often. When Dorian joins the Inquisition, they begin to think less about unimportant things and start dedicating themself to studying. It becomes easier then; to fill yourself with things such as history, linguistics, and philosophy doesn’t leave room for doubt, fear, and guilt. They spend a lot of time with Dorian.

In the late hours, however, when the sky is but a shade lighter than black, a sickness infects Mio’s mind and keeps them awake. They make quiet prayers for every life they have taken and hope that it is enough. A small voice in the back of their mind reminds them that it isn’t. They apologize to their parents. They apologize to Elias. They apologize to the Inquisition. A scared child a bad inquisitor makes, they think. They think, they think, they think.

Blackwall is a healthy distraction; he is so eager to talk about his woodworking and Mio listens, wanting anything to push the thoughts out of their mind. They learn to carve a duck, then a dog, then a wolf. They show their creations to Blackwall as soon as they finish and he beams with pride and something else Mio can’t decipher. They carve a small flower for him and leave it by his work table for him to find. They hope the flower will make the something else disappear. 

They cry less once they realize Solas sleeps about as much as they do. They learn to talk, although nervously and hesitant at first. The man’s intelligence intimidates then intrigues Mio. They make a game of finding questions he won’t know the answer to. They ask him to teach them how to do magic properly, and he declines over and over. In retaliation, they and Dorian talk loudly about the achievements of the Imperium and Solas acquiesces after two days. Fade magic, they learn, isn’t easy, but they indulge Solas’s teachings in order to talk to  _ someone _ in Elvish. The stressed syllables of the common tongue always felt heavy and uneven in Mio’s mouth. After who-knows-how-many failed attempts at the fade step, Mio curses under their breath. 

“ _ Fenedhis lasa _ …”

“ _ Mioluvun _ ,” Solas responds coolly, “ _ suina _ .”

They weren’t even upset at the beratement and began babbling in Elvish. Solas sighed at the chatter, but Mio noticed a small smile appear on his face and talked even more.

Solas was easy to talk to then, making jokes in their native language no one else understood. Varric once asked them to stop because they “seemed like they were plotting something,” and Elias gave them a pained look that Mio didn’t understand, so they smiled and said “ _ Ir abelas, _ Mr. Tethras. It means ‘I’m sorry.’” Solas then put a hand on their shoulder and gave them the same sad look Elias had. Mio still didn’t understand. 

* * *

Heartbreak was something Mio had never felt before, though they had imagined it countless times. They come to know it intimately when Elias comes to their joined rooms and begins to cry before he makes it into his bedroom. Mio can’t remember what he was saying exactly, something something “damned templars,” something else about “difficult choices” and “poor Cullen.” Mio didn’t care about templars or choices or even Cullen, only that their brother was crying and they didn’t know how to help. They believe the aching, squeezing feeling in their chest was the first of many times they would feel heartbreak.

Mio becomes an expert on reading books about woodcarving and a decent woodcarver. They help Blackwall make a bench, a trough, and two shelves. The second, hidden feeling they had seen before didn’t return, so they figured the small wooden flower had done some good. They brought him real flowers next, which made him cry. Cole reassures them that he was actually happy, some twisted version of happy at least. Mio learns Blackwall likes daisies and tulips. Blackwall learns Mio likes wood carvings of halla. They both learn how to open up a little bit more.

Mio trusts their brother, but more so after defeating Corypheus. The childish fear was gone and replaced with mature resolve and confidence. Elias seemed proud of them, not in the way a brother would, but rather in the way a parent would, after their child learns to walk. His child had grown up. They still cry when the battle is over, however, and everyone knows that it isn’t sweat. They sleep like the dead when they make it back to Skyhold. Their dreams are filled with tulips and wolves with glowing eyes and promises made in Tevene. The fear hangs onto the edge of their dreams, though, like a sticky, viscous disease. The crying reminded Mio that they had emotions, regrets,  _ morals.  _ They cried less now, and they didn’t understand what it meant.

Betrayal was something Mio hadn’t ever felt, and didn’t think they ever would. But Solas was kneeling before them, cradling the anchor in his hands.  _ “This will hurt, da’len, but you will survive.” _ Survive, he had said, but not thrive. He only gave the same sad look Mio had been noticing for a long time. Mio wished adults would stop giving them sad looks and just explain what the looks meant. 

_ “ _ I won’t give up on you,” they told him. “ _ Hahren, babae.” _

“I hope you don’t,  _ da’len _ .”

* * *

Mio does not cry then, only picks up the unconscious body of their brother and carries him back to their temporary home. They do not cry in the war room. They do not cry in the stairwell next to Solas’s office as they return a book to Dorian. They do not cry that night in the Inquisitors’ shared study, or in their bedroom. They do not cry as their brother gets married to the love of his life. They do not cry as the Inner Circle dissolves and their small family becomes even smaller. They do not cry as they move away from their clan in the Brecilian Forest and move to Orlais. They do not cry under the stress of university classes. It isn’t until they fail a quiz in a Chantry history class that they break down in the public gardens of Val Royeaux. Looking on from a distance, one couldn’t even tell that Mio had shed a tear. Their shoulders didn’t shake, their voice didn’t waver, their cheeks didn't become blotchy with patches of color. Silent tears run down their cheeks one at a time when Mio is 22 years old and is no longer a child. And they miss the days when a child Inquisitor could openly weep without holding a false title on their back and the hope of nations on their mind.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this at 3am through tears and while shaking. i thought it best to leave it unedited.


End file.
